slaying the Jabberwocky

Who would have thought that down this rabbit hole I would find yet another hole to tumble down... But here we are, I am falling and twisting and turning and tumbling... trying to make sense of another reality...

Happiness...

The Cheshire Cat became my Jabberwocky, and I slayed her. Out of nowhere... I met my... well, lets be honest, she is no character out of Alice in Wonderland. She is simply wonderful, mine... This woman appeared and stole everything I thought I knew. Within days she had my heart and my soul and my total attention... (in hindsight turns out the Cheshire Cat was pretty much pawning me off on her)...Well as Cassie ("the woman") was stealing my heart the Cheshire Cat/Jabberwocky was breaking into my house and stealing the groceries and my meds.

What does it say about the state of being that I am in, she is Cassie, even here... where i hide everyone behind a character, behind a pseudonym... But she is mine. She is Cassie. How do i explain her... (As she talks incessantly even though I am CLEARLY trying to write)... She is brilliant, and affectionate, funny and thoughtful.

But most profoundly... She... She... She knows how to take care of me autistically... She is the one that will find me in the closet, remind me to breath, she is the one that will curl up in the bathtub and hold me while I panic... Over life... she has seen me at my best, and at my worst... and still looks at me adoringly...

and even thinking about it... It brings tears to my eyes. I Never. Ever. believed that at an autistic woman I would find this kind of happiness, this kind of honest security...

I'm not always sure how to deal with it... But everyday... she teaches me.