How do I get there from here...

"the young girl looked at the odd cat, who refered to himself as that of a cheshire variety, and tilted her head. 'excuse me sir, can you tell me how to find adulthood, I seem to have misplaced my way along this path' she asked in a timid cowering voice, her hands flapping at her sides like two frantic hummingbirds. the cat eyed her suspiciously wondering how this faint creature had survived so long in such a chaotic world. He chuckled 'darling, adulthood is not something that can be lost or found it fades in and out much like myself.'"

Being autistic, and being an adult alludes me rather regularly. With everything required of me: work, bills, housework, errands, relationships... well.. I've never been much of a juggler.

Its in the moments like these that I feel like the biggest failure. When I have to call and beg the electric company not to shut me off, or when I am paying bus fare in pennies... Why can't I make this work. Why. Why. Why.

I want to be regular, I want to be like everyone else. I want to make everything work simply and cleanly.

But instead I struggle, and screw things up one at a time... and pray that someday, in this puzzle that is living wiht autism I can finally make all the pieces fit together... Before I lose everything... and everyone... that I have worked so hard for.

Until then... I'll just be Alice.